I stumbled on this book down some reddit rabbit-hole (as one does) and was completely fascinated. Not enough to pay for it, but when I ended up with KU it was one of the first things on my list. Let me tell you, it did not disappoint. Well, I mean it did—it’s terrible by any normal writing or story standards…but hot damn, it is B-book (is that a thing? Like B-movies?) gold.
At first I thought, maybe this is satire, maybe this author is so over the paranormal romance genre that they are just going for it. But a quick look at their back catalog suggests otherwise. They are serious, and that, somehow—makes it all the better.
You might think, going in, that the half T-rex, half man is going to be the strangest thing in this book. You would be wrong, so wrong. Marc is totally a genetic f*ck-up—both in the story’s reality, and in ours trying to read it. The way the writer attempted to combine lizard and human biology is just...I can’t even. At one point she actually supposes that his torso (T-rex) is cold blooded while his legs (human) are warm blooded. Hmm...
Constantly, Marc’s big tick is biting his lip. On a human, sure cool, OK. T-rex though? Does he have lips? Not according to the cover. Again, hmm...
Marc’s biggest goal is to be a firefighter, but of course, he cannot be because of his tiny T-rex arms, he can’t grip the fire hose. So he is doomed to be a bouncer at the illegal dino-fight club.
But, lest you think Marc’s biological anomalies are the star of this story, think again! Our female love interest, Emily, is also genetically modified (as is everyone on this planet, there is some world building where it’s mentioned that this is required, possibly?) So, our normal looking lady has a most special talent, and it is what brings her to work undercover (maybe—it’s totally unclear how or why she is connected to the body investigating the dino fighting ring) and meet Marc.
She can sweat any substance she wishes. Yes, you read that right. Her hostess-type job has her sweating tequila for the patrons and we get lavish descriptions of them collecting her tequila-sweat in their glasses. Yum. As if that wasn’t bad enough, her ‘real job’ working her very own food truck features a special sauce and, you guessed it, she runs on the treadmill each morning to whip up a fresh batch! Double yum!
Their hook-up is surprisingly not all that steamy (it’s there, but I doubt anyone is blushing over it) and the whole thing ends rather anti-climatically with so many questions still on the table and with Marc’s biggest issue being easily fixed by a side character.
After all that insanity, though, there was one moment where I literally put the book down and had to go tell someone WTF just happened.
There are a few side characters, one gorilla/human type guy called Bobo - he’s probably the most normal being in this whole mess. But my (gender neutral) dude Taylor, a friend and sometimes sort-of hookup for Emily, can literally turn themself into a washing machine. Full stop, spin cycle, washing machine. My brain stopped working when I read that one.
Upon finishing, I immediately sent it to some friends. This takes a special audience to appreciate. Have you seen Troll 2? The Room? Loved every moment of their bat-shit craziness backed up by a creator who (at least seems to be) convinced they are works of art? Then this is the book for you.
If you think this review is the ramblings of a crazy person, you might be right. But read the book. You won’t be disappointed, or you will, but in the best way. The journey is worth it. You will never look at another T-rex or ‘I sweat awesome sauce’ work out tee-shirt the same way.